In Between Time

Right now is an in-between time for me. I'm fifteen weeks along, and my nausea - the one thing that made me feel something huge and mysterious is taking place in my body - has dissipated. I'm kind of twiddling my thumbs waiting to feel pregnant again. I read today that at fifteen weeks the baby is the size of an orange. Reading that fostered a strong urge to buy an orange at the store and sit it on my desk and just stare at it. I want to see if I can discover some little zen pathway into feeling pregnant and connected to the baby again.

I'm definitely showing, but not quite enough that people who don't know me would think that I am pregnant. I do feel the occasional pain of my uterus growing larger, which I enjoy. The twinges are exciting little reminders that the pregnancy is, in fact, real. But other than that, and the slightly alarming flattery of my new maternity swimsuit, I feel this week that I'm in a waiting room, just outside the pregnancy.

I'm counting the days until my next OB visit when I will hear the heartbeat again. After that visit, only a few more weeks until the Big Ultrasound. Matt and I have grand plans to purchase a digital camera this weekend, so I have no doubt that belly shots are imminent.